Well, all I can tell you is what my sister told ME when I became pregnant (she's 9 years older than me and had already had her three by the time I started on my family):

We will make mistakes as parents because we are human, but we won't make the same mistakes our parents made...because at least we have learned from THOSE.

And to a large extent, so far, she's been right. I've found brand new ways to screw up...LOL All I can hope is that one day my children will realize I tried my best no matter what, plus that I love them more than I love life itself.
 

Never be ashamed to apologize to your kids when you know you've made a mistake. I have snapped at mine when under stress. I always let them know that I realize when I have over-reacted and ask them to understand and forgive me. My kids are older now and they have told me that they always appreciated that. My oldest son, who will be 20 in two weeks, still remembers a time when he was only about five. He'd fallen asleep "reading" in his bed and I went into move the book and shut off the light. He woke up and asked me what I was doing. I said that I'd just come in to tell him I loved him. For some reason, that was a big deal to him. That I'd come to his room to tell him I loved him. It seemed like absolutely nothing to me.

Don't worry about your Dad. My father had that surgery and came through it fine. It's a difficult recovery and that will be hard for you because he won't bounce back quickly. It leaves people feeling depressed. It's a common and expected reaction. Find a nurse to talk to. Cardiac surgeons have notoriously bad bed-side manner. They talk over the heads of non-medical experts. A nurse, particialrly one in the cardiac unit, will be so helpful to you.

I lost my dad five years ago to cancer. I can tell you that it isn't the big things that stand out most when I remember him. It's the little things he probably wouldn't even remember doing. My mother was a late sleeper. On school days, my father used to brush my hair in the morning before leaving for work. That was a big deal to me - a fond memory. I have many of them. Just love Dane and he will love you. And someday, when he's struggling to be the kind of dad that you were, it will be all those seemingly insignificant things you did for him that he will most fondly remember.
 

Andy, my father has had at least three rounds of serious surgery in the last 11 years and is still going strong, one of which was like your father's. I won't say Don't worry, but because that's useless, but try to remember worry is a human reaction, not related to the real seriousness of the situation.

Peace.
 

Thank you all for your comments and your support. The rough part is coming. I'll be in contact with you soon about it.
 

Just a comment to say love the Dane, Father of Dane, and Grandfather of Dane macho and testosterone oozing through that picture. V. v. manly.