Thursday, July 14, 2005
Daycare Dilemma
I'm crazy! I'm upset! I'm pissed! That said, this post will sound pretty harsh, but the events are probably not as bad as I am going to make them sound. I would very much appreciate any comments, considerations and criticisms. So keep that in mind while you read my rant.
In the past, when I've picked up Dane, he's had a full diaper. When I get home, the first thing I do is change him. I've found, not all the time, that it looks like it's been there a while (i.e. drying poop that is stuck to his butt). Now, Dane is a happy baby. He doesn't cry when he has a dirty diaper. And his poop doesn't stink (literally or figuratively). So the cues that most infants display to their daycare provider, are not salient. At home, we check him frequently.
Monday, I dropped Dane off at 8:00am. At 2:00pm, Renee arrives to pick him up (The babysitter is playing with him on her lap, he is laughing and having fun). Dane has a full diaper (urine and feces) AND it's the same diaper he had on when he left our house (how do we know, you ask? The babysitter has the last of his size 2s, we only use size 3s at home. When Renee picked him up he still had on a size 3!). Renee confronted the babysitter about it. She apologized profusely, indicating that it would never happen again, and per Renee's instruction, she would check him hourly. Her only excuse was that she didn't think to check because he wasn't fussy (my thought is: WTF, do you honestly think that an infant isn't going to drop a load all freakin' day?!).
Sidenote #1: Did I mention that Dane had a wicked case of diaper rash last weekend? It was bad enough that when Renee put some cream on him, he shrieked in pain! She scooped him up and put him in the sink to cool the area and wash off the cream. We've been doing everything we can to dry him out. It's much better now. I am not sure if it is related to the babysitters lack of promptness when it comes to changing diapers, but I think it can, in the least, be correlated.
Sidenote #2: I also need to mention that the babysitter, over the last 3 weeks, had a blood test come back positive for ovarian cancer. She has informed us that her doctor thinks it is a false positive, but she is still going to have surgery to scrape or remove or whatever, the ovaries. This will occur within a week. Her daughter (who babysits for us on some weekends, and just adores Dane) is coming to our house to watch Dane during the surgery. So, I understand that her mind is a little preoccupied, but I do not except it as an excuse. If you can't manage taking care of my child during this time, then let us know (although she probably wouldn't do that, as they don't make very much money), we can find a temporary (or permanent) solution. My child comes first. Period. If he doesn't then I will find a place where he does come first!
Wednesday, Renee dropped off Dane at 11:30am. At 2:30pm, she picked him up. The babysitter's daughter was there watching the kids, because the babysitter had some additional tests that needed to be run before the surgery. The babysitter's daughter was holding Dane and playing with him. He was happy and having a great time. When Renee picked him up she noticed his diaper was full and again it was a size 3! She asked the daughter why he hadn't been changed and she said, "I don't know, I just got here from practice and my Mom left for the doctor's appointment." Furious, Renee called me and we started looking for alternatives.
Sidenote #3: This babysitter has an excellent reputation in our community and has received awards for being such an outstanding daycare provider. We researched her and spoke with other parents who have their children there. The only negative thing we heard was that she leaves the TV on all the time, for the kids to watch. They don't have to watch it and there are plenty of toys and interaction, but the TV is a mind numbing force to be reckoned with, it just draws those little toddlers in. Dane hates TV. You can sit him in front of one and he crawls away, looking for real activity. So the TV isn't a bad thing... yet. We have already discussed that once he is a little older (within a year) we are going to send him to a more education oriented place.
Renee and I talked last night. I started getting more worked up. And I am now to the point where I want to get the city involved, mail letters to the other parents about my concerns and cuss her out for not doing everything she can to make my baby boy's time on this earth the most pleasant experience possible! [deep breathing... relaxing... going to my happy place with Dane]
Okay, I know that is extreme. I know that we need to sit down and talk to her about our concerns. But two things are eating at me:
1) Talking to her could create a hostile environment for Dane. I certainly don't think there would be a retaliation directly on Dane, but passive aggression can be as bad as directly neglecting his needs.
2) Where do you draw the line? For me it's right now, but I am completely incensed about it. What do we do if it happens again? Do I trust her with any information she gives me now? Is she even watching him? Is she turning duties over to her daughter? Is there enough supervision to ensure the safety of my child from the other children, considering she can't remember to change a freakin' diaper on an infant? If she is cutting corners on that, where else is she doing it? Is there anything else that we aren't being privy to? Now, when there is any different behavior from Dane, I'm going to be thinking, "Did she drop him on his head? Did some other child in her home abuse him?" I could drive myself crazy with my hand-wringing.
I have to add that as far we know, Dane loves it there. He smiles and reaches for the babysitter when we drop him off (he hates it when we leave... although it's not as bad now). I hate to put him with completely different people, when he is so used to the babysitter and her family. So I am really torn about what to do.
# Proud Daddy Posting @ 7:02 AM 
Comments:
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I totally think you are doing the right thing. I mean, he's a baby, basically the only things you need to check on with a baby (as a babysitter) is if the baby is hungry or if the baby needs a new diaper. I did some babysitting recently and my first thought was to check the diaper. I was only watching the kid for like 3 hours! Imagine the whole day...that just isn't cool.
Maybe use a babysitter he already knows? Or family members? I don't know, but I do know if she didn't listen to you the first time about changing his diaper, no matter how great everyone else says she is, she just isn't.
Good Luck.
Maybe use a babysitter he already knows? Or family members? I don't know, but I do know if she didn't listen to you the first time about changing his diaper, no matter how great everyone else says she is, she just isn't.
Good Luck.
Wow...tough one. If he's happy there, it would be upsetting for him to switch at his age. You need to consider that. On the other hand, I'd be pretty upset too with this situation, particularly considering it's causing a real health problem. Your child shouldn't have to suffer physical pain because the day care provider is too distracted...for whatever reason...to change his diaper regularly. Under the circumstances - she's been a good day care provider up until now, other parents speak highly of her, Dane likes her - I wouldn't go the route of getting the law involved. That seems a bit harsh considering her circumstances. I mean, this could all go away after her health issue is cleared up and you'd have gotten her into deep shit for a temporary situation and during a time when she's already dealing with (apparently) more than she can handle. I'd speak with her again - maybe mark his diapers? Don't leave diapers there - send some every day to see how many get used? I think I'd give her one more chance. Speak to her from the perspective of being concerned. Mention the rash. Stress that her lack of dilegence is causing him PAIN and causing you distress. Tell her you understand she's going through a rough time, but as parents your child has to be your first concern. If she feels she's unable to handle it right now, you'll seek other arrangments. If she feels she CAN handle it, then she NEEDS to pay better attention. If you don't approach her in an antagonistic fashion, I don't think Dane will suffer fall out from that sort of conversation. Keep us posted!!!
Andy: Just some thoughts. Since Dane likes going there, I would not worry too much. That said, the baby needs his diaper changed often, and it needs to be checked at least hourly (the Foilbaby is the same, not fussy, so we have to check).
Unless you are pulling Dane out never to return, remember, more flies with honey than with vinegar, and you want this woman to smile when she sees Dane. So focus on your concerns as a nervous first time parent. Focus on Danes diaper rash and discomfort. If the woman and her daughter blow you off, then do put Dane in another setting. But unless you reach the decision to change sitters, all conversations should be put in terms of your needs, wishes, worries, and how you appreciate all that she does.
Good luck.
Unless you are pulling Dane out never to return, remember, more flies with honey than with vinegar, and you want this woman to smile when she sees Dane. So focus on your concerns as a nervous first time parent. Focus on Danes diaper rash and discomfort. If the woman and her daughter blow you off, then do put Dane in another setting. But unless you reach the decision to change sitters, all conversations should be put in terms of your needs, wishes, worries, and how you appreciate all that she does.
Good luck.
As a father of two with one in diapers I would be looking for a new sitter. The diapers not being changed is the cause of the rash and if the sitter can't check and change a diaper on the hour go somewhere else! When it comes to child care the baby comes first! It does not mater what personal problems a sitter/caregiver may have. Number one proirity it the baby everything else follows.
If they can't focus on the care they are supposed to be providing they they should not be a sitter.
If you realy want to give them another chance you will have to talk to them about your concerns. I would also mark the diapers and I would do supprise visits during the day to check. No change means change sitters.
Don't worry about moving him babys warm up to new people very fast. Just about every kid hates it when their parents leave them with a sitter and as soon as the parent is out of sight they will snap out of it very quickly.
If they can't focus on the care they are supposed to be providing they they should not be a sitter.
If you realy want to give them another chance you will have to talk to them about your concerns. I would also mark the diapers and I would do supprise visits during the day to check. No change means change sitters.
Don't worry about moving him babys warm up to new people very fast. Just about every kid hates it when their parents leave them with a sitter and as soon as the parent is out of sight they will snap out of it very quickly.
I am a non-parent but I agree with domnall. Diaper rash is painful butminor; suppose it was an upset stomach, fever or earache? You need to know he is being checked. And pediatricians now are recommending children under 2 NOT have television. That is ZERO hours. I agree about the honey with vinegar comparison, and I know sitters are hard to find -- but really you've spoken to her once -- she should have gotten it. Her illness does not absolve her of responsibilities. And kids do learn to love other people; I think it's easier at this age to change than at 2 or 3. Free advice, worth what you pay for it.
Good luck.
PS Have you spoken to your pediatrician about your concerns?
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Good luck.
PS Have you spoken to your pediatrician about your concerns?
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