Monday, June 06, 2005
When "It wasn't me" can't get you out of a predicament.
This blog is primarily about my son and my experience being his father. However, I am going to side step a little today to talk about something I think is hilarious (maybe you had to be there... I'm not sure).
After discussing and deliberating with my colleagues, we have come up with the one beat-all, end-all phrase, that should pretty much get you out of any trouble. If O.J. would have utilized this novel phrase, there would not have been a trial.
But first, some history, so you understand how we came to such an unprecedented notion.
It all started one day when a parent decided to take their child to school (notice how completely anonymous this is). The child had been removed from a mainstream school due to "problems" and sent to another school that could handle these kinds of "problems." Now this other school was out on summer vacation and the parent decided that they would take the child back to the mainstream school. I don't know the reason why the parent took the child to the mainstream school, my guess is that the parent didn't want to have to spend a whole day with their beloved child.
The mainstream school calls and calls the parent, but to no avail. The child, during the day, became a "problem" and had to be restrained several times. Just so you know, this isn't the part I think is funny... at all.
The mainstream school finally contacts the parent and informs them of their desire to have the child picked up. The parent complies and the child is once again in the safety of the loving parent. The mainstream school principle inquired of the parent, "Why did you drop off [child's name] at our school?" The parent said (are you ready for this?):
After discussing and deliberating with my colleagues, we have come up with the one beat-all, end-all phrase, that should pretty much get you out of any trouble. If O.J. would have utilized this novel phrase, there would not have been a trial.
But first, some history, so you understand how we came to such an unprecedented notion.
It all started one day when a parent decided to take their child to school (notice how completely anonymous this is). The child had been removed from a mainstream school due to "problems" and sent to another school that could handle these kinds of "problems." Now this other school was out on summer vacation and the parent decided that they would take the child back to the mainstream school. I don't know the reason why the parent took the child to the mainstream school, my guess is that the parent didn't want to have to spend a whole day with their beloved child.
The mainstream school calls and calls the parent, but to no avail. The child, during the day, became a "problem" and had to be restrained several times. Just so you know, this isn't the part I think is funny... at all.
The mainstream school finally contacts the parent and informs them of their desire to have the child picked up. The parent complies and the child is once again in the safety of the loving parent. The mainstream school principle inquired of the parent, "Why did you drop off [child's name] at our school?" The parent said (are you ready for this?):
"Well, I thought it would be okay."
The mainstream school principle, staring, mouth agape, says, "Oh." And off into the sunset goes parent, child in tow. On to the next adventure in dysfunction.
So this is the new phrase. Use it at will. It should get you out of any circumstance.
Example: After robbing a bank, I am questioned by two detectives. The first detective informs me, "We have you on video robbing the bank, are you going to confess or not?" Thinking of a clever little hip-hop song, I look right into the eyes of the detective and say, "It wasn't me."
The second detective says, "Look, we have your finger prints on the money we recovered. We have you on the surveillance video. We have someone who recognized you in the bank. We even have you on video, responding to the person who yelled out your name. And you are going to tell me that this isn't you?"
Yikes, I'm in a tight spot. I'm pretty sure they have me. So I decided to use the big guns... the mighty phrase. The one tool in my arsenal that I had decided to use only as a last resort. I tell the detectives, "Well, I thought it would be okay."
Insert: long dramatic silence.
Insert: Open mouth stare.
Insert: Shrug.
The first detective say, "oh." (Note: size of text is directly proportional to sound in decibels.)
The second detective say, "okay... well... I guess you can... um... go." [Insert: questioning looks and shrugs
between the detectives.] "Just don't... ah... let this happen again..."
Works every time!!!!
# Proud Daddy Posting @ 9:10 AM 
Comments:
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No need to get out the chainsaw and build the deck. That post officially means your a real man again, macho, full-of-testosterone, and not doing any damn mushy girl-like thing like getting in touch with your feelings.
It means that excuse "I thought it would be okay" puts you firmly back in guyland again. That's okay. Don't tell the the parent who did this in the above story was a woman? I didn't think so.
Actually, it was a Mom that said it. A dysfunctional Mom, but still a woman.
So, you can't blame that one on men. Everything else is fine, but not that one.
So, you can't blame that one on men. Everything else is fine, but not that one.
Wow. Actually, that makes me feel better. I'm so used to hearing mothers go on about how their husband couldn't figure out why the baby cried the whole time they were out (2 hours) only to be shocked to discover when Mom cam home that (1) there was a fully loaded diaper, and (2) the baby wanted to be fed and held. I never quite believe that.
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